We all have had/have toxic people in our lives, sprinkling us with their negativity and most of the time we don’t even realise it for a good while.
Growing up can be some of the hardest times in our life, going to school dealing with the most toxic of people to you, and there is nothing you can do about it because you face them every day, and at that age we often don’t really know how to deal with it. I know I didn’t anyway!
School can be one of the hardest places because other children can be so mean and selfish, I saw one of my friends get mentally scarred because of toxic people from school and it’s so sad!
Work life can be similar, faced with people you HAVE to see everyday when you realllllllly don’t want to! (One of the main reasons I went self employed lol)
The truth is there are always going to be toxic people to our soul around us, but it’s how we deal with it and how we react which is how it will really impact us!
I once had a very close friend in my life, although I didn’t see it at the time it was a very toxic friendship. She wasn’t a horrible person at all it was just a toxic relationship to myself. Sometimes people want you to do things just so it can benefit them in the long run not because they have your best interests at heart. Comments were made here and there about myself, how I parent, how I look and it really did have an impact on me. At the time I didn’t realise it, I would just brush it off but now being on the outside looking back in I really do realise how much it effected me, and I should have said something/not spent as much time investing into that relationship.
Toxic people can even be in your family, truth is, it is pretty hard to get away from toxic people!
A few signs of toxic people can be, manipulative, disrespectful and always have to have things their way, they think nothing is wrong and unwilling to change their own actions even if they know it is upsetting you, they are very needy and can put pressure on you, they say things to make you feel bad sometimes in a horrible way but also in a way that can be seemed as a joke but it really isn’t. A toxic person can often be very distrusting and negative towards others but this is a reflection of themselves.
Toxic people can sometimes not be toxic to everyone, they have different ways around them with different people. Also a toxic person to me might not be a toxic person to you. I am a very sensitive person who takes things to heart, so if I were to hear negative things often it would begin to really bother me, where as some people do not take notice and it does not bother them, so ultimately it comes down to the individual and the situation you are facing.
If you can relate any of the above to a certain person then they are almost defiantly toxic to you.
Ultimately you should see how you feel around certain people, if they make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy then it is best just not to put yourself in that situation and not to be around them.
It would be so easy for me to say walk away from the person but if it is someone who you face on a daily basis or someone in your family I would always recommend to speak with the person, tell them how you feel. Avoid any arguments and just sit down be understanding towards them but express how you are feeling. Make it clear how you wish to be treated, for example if someone is talking to you badly or swearing at you a lot (just an example) tell them you don’t expect to be treated like that. For example the person might not know you don’t like swearing and then they can be more aware of their own actions around you, how ever if the person is really toxic sitting down talking with them may not work. They may not listen!
Sometimes a person may be toxic towards you but you also may be behaving in a toxic manner towards them, which is also why they are behaving in a certain manner towards you. This is why I always think talking and communication is the best way, you may need to apologise too! You may need to be the person to show them how it’s done and take lead on order to move forward. ALWAYS be the bigger person.
If this doesn’t work and the person in question is still being very toxic towards you after you have expressed how you feel and after having a conversation with them, I truly believe it is time to say goodbye. You don’t have to leave things on a bad note or have an argument (some cases this does tend to happen when a lot has built up) but my best bit of advice would just be to slowly distance yourself. People change, life experiences shape us, you never know that person might be totally different in time! I know for a fact this has happened to me, I am not the person I was last year let alone 5 years ago! I am sure you reading this can agree too!
Your gut feeling is normally right so if you are reading any of this and it is making you think of a certain person act on it, for sure!
You can always ask people for their help and advice, if you want to take it that’s another question (I am great at giving advice but so bad at taking it, depending on the situation, I do believe we have to learn for ourselves sometimes and although other people might be able to advice you on a certain situation you are the one in it not them, so you have to listen to your gut and do what you believe is right.)
Talk to people close to you, communication is the best for if moving forward and getting problems solved.
‘A problem shared is a problem halved’
I was always questioning myself, blaming myself for being ‘too sensitive’ ‘too caring’ ‘over-reacting’ I found myself doing toxic/negatives things trying to deal with toxic people when really I should have got a big pair of invisible scissors and cut it off. There and then.
Getting a toxic person out of your life can be very hard, if you have made the decision you do not want to no longer have them in your life you need to block delete and move on. Talk to the person in a public place so no dramas or arguments can start and if they do, you can easily get up and walk away. Do not look at their social media, block them, don’t be tempted to keep looking otherwise you will find it a lot harder to move on.
Maybe even consider writing a letter to this person, you can write everything down, really think about what you are saying and you can refer back to the letter to remember why you made this decision, as times will come when you question yourself. If you are not ready to completely cut ties, maybe this toxic person is a friend or a family member just create distance instead of completely removing the person, this will help you only have to see the person in small doses without complete separation, this may even lead to potentially making things better.
Here are some books that may be worth reading if you are in any of these situations –
- Games People Play: The Psychology
- The Art of Reading People: How To Deal With Toxic People and Manipulation
- Taming Toxic People
Sometimes you do have to walk away from a toxic person, it may be hard and it may be really painful but sometimes you have to do this for your own mental health. Your emotional balance is your priority, you have to put yourself first and do what’s best for you.
I could have gone into a lot more detail in this post but I don’t want it to drag on, maybe one day I’ll film a video about this!
In the mean time Please do not ever feel bad about yourself because of other people’s actions!
Remember …. it says more about THEM then it does YOU!
A good person would not want to put others down, don’t ever stoop to their level, keep doing your thing! Keep moving forward and put all of this energy into the people who really do love you!